But God, I feel unworthy ?

A few days ago, I received a notification of a comment on one of my blog posts, it was an encouraging comment. Usually when I see comments, I get excited and I feel like I’m doing the right thing. I feel like I’m not wasting my time and I’m actually reaching out to someone. Even if it’s just one person, trust me, it makes my day complete and makes my heart so glad. 

When I read this particular comment, this was not the case. I felt so unworthy to be doing what I’m doing, like who am I to actually reach out to anyone and actually get them to read what I write. I still make mistakes, a whole lot if them. I still do small small gossip sometimes 😭 *hides*, I even wonder at myself when I think about how rude I act sometimes even when I don’t want to be. Somedays I don’t feel like reading my bible or praying, other times I don’t feel like turning the other cheek, I just act on my feelings and not what Jesus would do. What about them thoughts that come without warning? Sigh

I thought all about these things and told myself I wasn’t in the right position to talk anyone about Jesus. But God, I feel unworthy? I’m still trying to be better everyday. Funny how my last post was on exactly on how not to feel the way I was feeling “You’re more than enough”(Check it out) but I couldn’t help myself. 

I was discussing with my friend (Sylvia) about how I felt. Other days when I felt good about myself (I thought to myself that I wasn’t sinning, like I was so on point.) At least that was what I thought 😂.

I felt like I could do anything and our discussion lead to the conclusion (with the help of the Holy Spirit of course) that I placed my feelings on my “good deeds.” also known as self righteousness. So days I felt good, was because I thought God and I were just on another level. And other days I didn’t feel good was because I didn’t do what I ought to have done “as a christian.” please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying its wrong to feel bad for your sins. Basically I thought it was my effort to stay on fire for God, but it actually isn’t. I believed myself instead of resting on the finished work of Christ. All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t place our righteousness on how good or bad we’ve been because we didn’t save ourselves. (Romans 3:23)- For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

The truth is you’ll make mistakes, you’d fall but don’t let that stop you from doing what God has called you to do. If for anything,  having this blog has helped me stay accountable to an extent. I don’t want to be the kind of person who doesn’t do what they don’t preach. I think I may have hypophobia ( fear of being a hypocrite) yes I made that up 😂. The point is don’t get dragged backwards by your feelings, the most natural thing to do when you fall is to get back up. Staying there moping about how bad you are will do you no good. 

Sylvia also shared her own fear of not posting certain things on social media because she didn’t want to be seen as a hypocrite. The thing is that we’re not perfect  but we get closer every day when we choose to renew your mind daily with the word of God and spending time with God in prayer and worship. Know what works for you and you won’t wanna stop. As for me I start with listening to songs by (bethel music, Kim Walker or Kari jobe, hillsong etc). From there every other thing just flows.

Our discussion lead to the birth of this post, she actually told me to write on it and I felt it was an awesome idea. I knew I would have to be open about myself but if this is going to help someone then I’m not going to limit what God. Some of you, God has laid it in your heart to write s book, start that blog, write a song, whatever it is He wants you to do, but you thought about how people would look at you so you just trashed the idea. Don’t do that to yourself. Just like how I felt that day, I could have given up, but I didn’t, when  I mess up,  yes the Holy Spirit convicts me of my sin and I run back to  God because there’s no turning back. Never.

I realized that when I’m not spending time with God,  that’s what happens to me. It’s so easy to get angry, so easy to be unkind. I believe it’s the strategy of the enemy to fill our days with so much activity that we hardly spend time with  our maker and even when we do, we do the three word prayer, sometimes even absent mindedly 😖. 

Two days ago was my birthday and I made up my mind to spend quality  time with God everyday, not 1 day for 2 days (guilty😭 ) . So y’all should ask me how it’s going after a while. 

I believe we won’t struggle with half the things we struggle with when we’re consistently spending time with Jesus. The more we are with Him, the more we become like him.

I pray God gives us the grace and strength to continually pursue him consistently. Let’s do this together!

I really hope this encouraged you ❤

If you’ve ever felt this way or  you feel this way , I’d like to hear your thoughts.You know me, I love the feedback. 

God loves you crazily 💞