PortHarcourt Tales – WHO INVITED YOU?

Hey guys, happy new week. Like I decided in my last post to share my experiences in Portharcourt with y’all, I have brought the very first episode for 2018. So yesterday I was on a bus today going from Mile 1 to Mile 3 along the popular Ikwere road. The driver stopped to pick some more passengers, the conductor advised some of the passengers on the row behind me to adjust, next thing I heard was “madam no press me oh ” in my mind I was like AHHANN whats happening 😂.

AHAN : popular Nigerian slang used to show surprise) lol

I turned around stylishly to see what was going on, I saw very big lady sitting next to a smallish man who was sitting next to the window looking like he couldn’t breathe . This young man had no idea that he had just made a grave mistake. From her next words and the tone of her voice I could tell the lady did not find that statement funny. She started lamenting about why people need to start minding their business. She made statements like “na my husband? Why I go press am? which kind nonsense talk be that? If I fat na una business?” She was very upset.

Almost everyone in the bus started begging her, ” ah madam abeg no vex, no mind am” while some other men in the bus saw it as the right time to discuss about the fat lady they see trying to catch the bus each morning. Hearing them discuss about fat women angered her even more, she went on complaining bitterly, “If person fat na una business?” Apparently the men who were discussing big ladies stopped to tell her sorry in a playful manner..

She politely advised them not to joke with her. The driver jokingly told her to slap the guy, and she asked him why she should, then the driver told her to stop talking if she couldn’t lay a finger on him. She didn’t stop talking, apparently the driver added fuel to fire. The part that surprised me was when she stopped speaking in pidgin English (Nigerian English), she continued, ” I’m somebody’s wife so don’t talk to me like that. If my husband was around I won’t be on this bus.” She continued in pidgin “make una no try me oh! As I dey like this man marry me keep me for house oh, na Sienna my husband dey drive, wey be my size. ”

Another guy the said abeg madam must you now tell us your husband drives a sienna, what are you now doing on this bus? before he even completed his next sentence, she called him poverty stricken, she said no man on the bus could feed her or afford big women like her. At this point I was just laughing silently in my own corner.

The poor lady complained until almost everybody got down from the bus leaving the driver, a man at the drivers seat, the conductor and I. Suddenly uncle passenger at the front, who had been quiet all the while, started advising the lady that it was okay and she shouted at him ” abeg abeg keep quite, nobody invited you ” at this point I bursted out laughing 😂, the rest of us in the bus started laughing, even the lady herself couldn’t help it. After that we enjoyed a peaceful journey until we got to the last bus stop. The end 😂.

Did you think this lady overreacted? AnywayI drew a few lessons from this ;

1. Be sensitive with your words, the guy who shouted ” madam no press me” could have simply used a different choice of words

2. Be quick to apologize especially when people misunderstand you

3. Don’t involve your self in public wahala aka trouble

4. Don’t try to calm an angry portharcourt woman down.

What other lessons could you draw from this guys? Kindly comment below

I hope you did enjoy this post. Thank you for reading

Fisayo ❤

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